Too hard to forgive p2
by Anna
Summary: Sully and his mother finally have a chance to talk, etc


  
  
**********  
  
  
"What do you want, Mrs. Blackmore?" asked Michaela dryly. Least of all things she wanted to see this woman, or to talk with her. "Do you need a doctor so urgently? I 've thought Dr.Cook was there , in Chateau.   
  
"I don't need a doctor," Mrs. Blackmore answered."I need you, my son's wife. The townsfolk told me that he's very sick."   
  
"He has pneumonia, and his condition is very bad." reported Michaela in an official tone."If that's all you want to know - sorry but I need to leave you and stay with Sully."   
  
"How's he doing?" Mrs. Blackmore asked almost in a whisper.   
  
"It's interesting for you? Really- the first time for more then twenty years?" Michaela felt furious.   
  
Mrs. Blackmore looked at her pleadlingly (Michaela noticed that the colour of her eyes is the same like Sully's)  
"I know how you hate me, Dr. Quinn, but I really didn't know he was alive."   
  
"I'm afraid I can't understand." Michaela said, "I can't believe you never tried to know about him."   
  
"I tried." she spoke quickly and muddled, "I was kind of crazy, when I decided to drown myself. My elder son died...then my husband. I was in debt for my apartment for several months, and the landlady always threatened to throw us away...Mr.Gardner - I gave French lessons for his children, told me that he would not be able to pay me all he promised and fired me. I was in despair, and when some men followed me and suggested awful things...I can't repeat it, you understand. I neither thought about how suicide is a mortal sin, nor that Byron would be an orphan. I just wanted to stop it...One gentleman who walked along the bridge saved me... I don't remember this...I didn't remember even my own name. Charles sent me to a private clinic, and I was there more than a year until my memory returned. As soon as I became better, Charles took me away into England, farther from the memories, as my doctor advised. At my request he asked his friends in NY to look for Byron, and several months later they reported back to me." She took a breath."They told me he was dead. The landlady sent me a letter that this happened two months after my disappearance...that he died from influenza . Charles didn't allow me to go back to America, he was afraid that my disease would return. He told me he hired some woman to take care of the grave." Mrs. Blackmore stopped fighting back tears.   
  
"We have a daughter. I love her and my granddaughter with all my heart, but I always knew - what happened to my son is only my fault. I mourned for him every day all these 20 years."   
  
A year ago Charles died from heart attack. Before his death he told me that he lied to me all these years.. He never asked anyone about Byron,'cause he did not want to adopt him. He just gave this Mrs. Green some money and she wrote that letter.   
  
"And what did you say to him?" Michaela murmured.   
  
"Charles was very kind to me. I don't know what I'd say in any other case, but he told me that in his last minutes...so I said:'I forgive you...Rest in peace.' I could not let him go with SUCH a thing in his soul. The next week I bought the ticket to NY, but it was too late. Jane, my daughter sent me to the Springs Chateau for rest and recovery, and suddenly several days ago, I 've heard from Mr. Lodge about the man whose name is Byron Sully. I thought: may be Lord will forgive me, and I'll see my son once again."   
  
Michaela stood silently looking at Mrs. Blackmore. How could she hate this poor woman so much! Now she felt only sympathy for her, nothing else.   
  
"Can I see him...just for a minute?" Mrs. Blackmore asked.   
  
"Yes, certainly." Michaela answered without any doubt.   
*************  
He still remembered this turn and dirty stairway, and narrow corridor with a lot of doors. He saw it so clearly, as if he still was 10. The landlady, Mrs. Green, as usual, stood on the stairway and always asked his mother, when she was passing by: "Mrs. Sully, I don't want to remind you again, but you have a debt"   
  
"I'll pay you out." Mother answered quietly.   
  
Byron looked furiously at this fat and noisy woman. He heard many times what she said about his mother without her. That's true, she became so different since father died...as if she died with him. Byron tried to do all the chores his father did. But somewhere deep in his heart he knew - she would never believe a 10 year old kid could protect and support her.   
  
"Lunch is ready!" he reported, when mother returned home.   
  
"Thank you, Byron." she said in an indifferent tone, not even looking in the kitchen...She didn't smile and didn't wonder anymore, didn't talk with him in the evenings, didn't ask him about his school day. She didn't even notice that he left school a month ago...   
  
"I'll try to find out what is wrong." she told him that day, - Mr.Gardner hadn't paid me for a whole month   
  
For the first time she looked at herself in the mirror. Then she put on her shawl and left.   
  
She didn't come home neither that day, nor the following. Instead of her, the policeman came, holding her handbag and wet, torn shawl.   
  
He talked with Mr. and Mrs. Green in the corridor for a long time. Byron stood indoors, silently looking; they were obviously talking about him, but he couldn't understand the words, their voices sound as if far away. Then he heard Mrs. Green yelling: "Four months! She was in debt for four months! I knew! She's not so insane as I've though - just drowned herself and let us to take care of her mongrel!"   
  
"The following that he remembered - how he rushed to her, yelling:"You have no right to speak of my Ma like this! She couldn't drown herself, she couldn't leave me!!!!   
  
Byron looked in wonderment at the drops of blood, falling from his fingers to the floor - he broke the door glass, without even noticing this.   
  
"He tried to hit me!" Mrs. Green yelled, "You're as mad as your mother was !! The best place for you is jail!"   
  
"Shut up!" her husband suddenly broke in.   
  
The next door neighbor, Mrs. Malkovitch came from her room to see what happened. She was a widow with two children, the younger was 8 months. She sometimes asked Byron to look after them for a while.   
  
"Are you crazy? What are you talking about?! This is outrageous! Just think about him, his mother is just gone!"   
  
"He wanted to hit me!" squalled Mrs. Green,"He's a criminal!"   
  
"Shut up, Edna!" repeated Mr. Green.   
  
Byron still stood there frozen as if he wasn't aware of what had happened.   
  
Mrs. Malkovitch put her hand on his shoulder and he obediently followed her into her room.   
  
"Does it hurt?" she asked, bandaging his hand. Byron shook his head.   
  
"You're a good boy!" she said,"I want you to know - your Ma didn't want to leave you, she loved you, and she loves you now, where she is, in Heaven."   
  
He gazed at her , untrusting - his ma couldn't be there if she'd drowned herself.   
  
"Your ma is in Heaven!" said Mrs. Malkovitch firmly."Trust me."   
  
Byron silently looked at her. His eyes were dry - he felt a lump in his throat, but couldn't cry, couldn't speak with anyone. He just wanted all of them to leave him alone with his grief.   
  
"Will you stay here for the night?" she asked.   
  
"No," he finally answered, "Thank you."   
  
The Greens continued to brawl. Mrs. Green yelled that all property of the Sully family belongs to her.Her husband yelled in response: "Can you ever think about anything else but money?   
  
Byron didn't want to wait until they kick him away - he decided to leave by himself. Mother's wedding ring hung on his neck on a thin chain. There were only 2 things he took from home - this ring and the book of his "namesake's" poems. This was mother's favourite book, and somewhere between its pages was the photo of the lucky family - father, mother and two kids. Going to the street, he ran to the bridge, trying to gaze through the darkness. He couldn't believe he would never see her again...   
-----------------  
  
"I'm back, Brian." Michaela said, "Please, come downstairs and tell all the patients I can't see them today.   
  
Brian looked at her desperately and made his way downstairs.When Mrs. Blackmore entered the room, Sully stirred and opened his eyes. Michaela was surprised, when he heard him whispering:   
  
"Ma! I always knew you'll come back one day!   
  
" Sully doesn't aware you're here. He's delirious, - Michaela quietly said."He is already three days in this condition, and I can't help him. I suppose you'd better wait on the verandah "   
  
However, Mrs. Blackmore approached the bed and sat at the edge. She took Sully's hand and said softly:   
  
"I'm here, Byron. I'm here, with you...I'm back."   
  
Michaela felt a thin needle of jealousy, noticing that he leaned his cheek to his mother's hand and closed his eyes with a weak smile...Mrs. Blackmore sat tenderly stroking his hair, whispering something, as if there still was a little boy instead the grown man.   
  
Finally she got up and came to Michaela.   
  
"Dr. Quinn...I'm not a doctor,but seems he's a little better, right?"   
  
Michaela took his wrist, checking for the pulse. It was steadier; his breathing now was more even, and his forehead was not as hot as before.   
  
"He's better." she said gladly,"You're absolutely right...you're not a doctor, but a mother, so you can feel it. I'm sure he'll be all right, and you will be able to see him tomorrow."   
  
"No, I don't think he will want to see me when he wakes. I'll leave tomorrow morning and never bother him again, it's enough for me just to know that Byron is alive and has a wonderful family. Only one small request - Dr. Quinn, please write me once a year about Byron."   
  
"No!" Michaela declared."You can 't leave like this. I'm sure Sully will understand and will be glad to see you...Please, wait for a few days...and call me "Michaela", please."   
  
"I'll be downstairs, Michaela." Mrs. Blackmore said with a slight smile - it was also just like Sully's.  
  
Sully slowly opened his eyes The room was blurry, but soon he was aware it's the recovery room in clinic….   
  
Michaela leaned to him, noticing that he is awake.   
  
-Michaela…- he whispered weakly   
  
- I'm here, Sully…How are you feel?   
  
- Tired…thirsty…   
  
Michaela took the glass with water and helped him to sit up …   
  
- Thank you, - he said with the weak smile.   
  
- Now better? - she asked, as he laid back..   
  
- Fine…just a little sleepy.   
  
Michaela kissed his cheek: - You'll be all right. Now close your eyes and sleep, you need to rest. When you wake up, I'll bring you some soup.   
  
- Don't like to feel so helpless,- he muttered   
  
- That's not for a long time - Michaela promised - just a several days , and you will be able to go home.   
  
- Oh my God…Preston! - he remembered - Senator will be here very soon…   
  
- No, don't worry - she soothed him - Matthew sent him a telegram. He will arrive 2 weeks later, and you'll have much time to talk with Preston.. Andrew can help you.   
  
- Andrew? He didn't leave yet?   
  
- He decided to stay, until you become better.  
Michaela suddenly felt a kind of shock when she noticed Mrs. Blackmore's gloves on the chair right near Sully's bed…She hoped Sully will not notice them… But he did…   
  
- Michaela…She was here?!- he struggled to sit up   
  
- Sully, please…- she forced him to lay back - let me explain…:   
  
- She was here? - he insisted- Why? Why you allowed her?   
  
-We all were wrong about her - Michaela said.   
  
-What do you mean, "wrong"?   
  
-She didn't betray you…she loves you, Sully. …   
  
- So why she never tried to find me?   
  
- It's not her fault. Her husband lied her for more than 20 years. He told her you're dead.   
  
- Dead?! Why? -Sully asked  
  
- He doesn't want you to live with them…About a year ago he died.. Few minutes before his death he said her a truth, but it was already too late. She couldn't find you…   
  
Sully looked at Michaela helplessly:   
  
- Are you sure it's truth?   
  
- I'm sure, - Michaela said firmly - I saw her face when she was here and looked at you…   
  
Sully tried to sit up again but Michaela put her hand on his shoulder. - Don't get up. She's downstairs.   
  
- I must apologize to her, - Sully said.   
  
- Certainly, -Michaela agreed, - we all must…   
  
- Michaela, - he asked,- would you please call her?   
  
- OK, just for few minutes.   
  
He nodded, and Michaela went downstairs.   
  
**********  
  
  
Mrs. Blackmore entered the room and stopped silently at the door., looking at her son…Then very slowly she approached the bed and sat on the chair…Minute or two they silently looked to each other, unable to speak.   
  
- I'm sorry for what I said before…- Sully broke the silence- I was wrong about you…   
  
He struggled to sit up, but didn't come very far…  
  
- Can I help you a little? - Mrs Blackmore suggested. She placed her hand under his shoulders helping him to sit up.   
  
- Thanks..Ma, - Sully said and hugged her.   
  
Michaela understood how it was difficult for him to pronounce this word. She and Brian stood at the doors trying not to move and not disturb them.   
  
- I'm sorry.. - Sully said again, fighting back tears.   
  
- Don't blame yourself, Byron. -Mrs Blackmore answered - I understand what you can think about me, my dear…I can't believe you're again with me …   
  
- Me too…- The tears crawled from his eyes,. He was ashamed of Brian would see it, but could not stop it,. Brian, noticing it, turned away, and Sully silently thanked his son for this…   
  
-Brian - Michaela told her son, - we need to go downstairs to see Andrew and say good-bye. He will leave soon  
  
She wanted Sully to stay alone with his mother, and Brian understood it also.   
  
Michaela sat at her table and soon she heard the knock at the door. It was Loren again   
  
- Doctor Mike…I don't want to bother you…but how is Sully?   
  
- He's better, Loren- Michaela reported, - I was going to go and tell you…   
  
Loren looked at her suspiciously: - Seems this woman entered here few minutes ago…   
  
- Yes, she's here, upstairs…   
  
- Here? With Sully? Doctor Mike, how you could allow her.. this…   
  
- Loren, sometimes we try to judge others and would be wrong…   
  
- That's nothing wrong! This woman left her child…betrayed her own son…   
  
- No, she didn't. . Sit down, I'll try to explain you…   
*********  
  
- …What the bastard her husband was! - Loren exclaimed and shook his head in anger - Think I need to apologize…- he added, - Dr Mike…when she'll come downstairs, please say I'm sorry...She can visit my store whenever she wants.   
  
- I'll tell her, - Michaela promised -, but you also need to apologize yourself…   
  
**********  
  
  
No need in apologizes, Mr Bray, - Mrs Blackmore said, - It was only my fault…I've deserved this.   
  
You're not! - Loren objected, - but your husband is!   
  
- It's not nice to speak about deceased like this, Mr Bray, -she lowered her eyes, - he was always gentle and kind with me…let him rest in peace. After all, it was 'me' who left Byron alone.   
  
- You were depressed…But this all is over, and now Sully 's glad to see you…How is he ?   
  
- Thank you, much better…He will be able to return home after few days. I'm really proud that almost all the townspeople ask about him. I have a very good son, have I, Mr.Bray.?  
  
- Yes, - Loren agreed, - You must be proud of him, Mrs.Blackmore. There were some troubles between us, but I always respected him. Kins are kins…So you can call me Loren…   
  
- Kins? - she raised her brows, - You and Byron?  
  
- Michaela didn't tell you…Sully was my son-in -law.   
  
- I knew he was married before, but didn't know his wife was your daughter…If you're kins, call me just Katherine.   
  
- I was really mad, - Loren reminded, - when Abby came home and declared: "I don't want to marry Martin. I'll marry Sully, but if you don't want to bless us - I'll ran away with him!" She was very stubborn, my girl. Maude, my wife , liked Sully, she gave them a piece of our land, and Sully built a homestead there. Maude told they were happy, but I was so angry…I never visited them, never told my daughter I still love her…I was wrong when convicted you - I did the same…   
  
- It's not the same, - Mrs Blackmore objected, - your Abagail was a grown-up, and she had a husband who loved her…but I left Byron when he was just a little kid, and he had nobody except me. There were so many losses in his life…because of me.- She covered her face with her palms, and her shoulders shook with the soundless sobs.   
  
Loren stood looking at her with puzzlement, and suddenly, unexpectedly for himself, hugged her tightly. She cried on his shoulder, and he patted her wavy hair repeating:- Don't cry, Katherine…please…everything's allright…   
  
She stopped crying and raised her head. For the next few minutes they looked to each other very surprisingly…   
  
- I'm sorry, Loren -Mrs Blackmore broke the silence, - thank you, but I need to go.   
  
- Please, wait! - Loren said, - Mrs.Blackmore…Katherine, please…just sit here…   
  
She obediently sat down, and Loren walked to the door and put on it "CLOSED"   
  
Let's chat a little, - he suggested, - I'll tell you about myself… if you want…and about this town…How about a cup of tea?  
- I'd like to, thank you, - she smiled through the tears.   
  
***********  
  
  
- Seems, we both are so lonely…- Loren said. It was almost evening, they talked about several hours and didn't notice it.   
  
- It's so hard…so painful, - Mrs Blackmore sighed.- I have a wonderful daughter, but she lives so far from me. We can't visit each other very often, and I 'm writing letters…don't send the most of them, but writing allows me to imagine that I 'm talking with her.   
  
- How often you're visit them?   
  
- Once a year. Her husband thinks it's enough.   
  
- So…Sully is the only one who can see you wherever you want? Why you don't want to leave your England for here?   
  
- I don't want to bother Byron and Michaela., - she said.   
  
-But I don't suggest you to live with them…   
  
- What do you mean? - she asked. Her bright blue eyed widened with wonder.   
  
Loren stood straight, fingering his tie.   
  
- Katherine…we both are so lonely…you in England, and me here…but we would sit here and talk like now in evenings…and sometimes go visit Dr.Mike and Sully…not sometimes, often. You will have no need to write letters to yourself…This is a good town, you'll like it. You can help me here in my store, just if you want it…I'll be happy if you'd agree…   
  
- Agree what? - she asked.   
  
- To marry me, - Loren said solemnly.- Katherine, please don't say "no" right now, just promise me to think…   
  
- I promise, - Mrs Blackmore answered seriously…   
  
**********  
  
  
- Dr Mike, can I talk with Sully a little? - Loren asked.   
  
Michaela was wondered to see Loren here so often, but she didn't show it:   
  
- Sure, Loren. Mrs. Blackmore left just few minutes ago…Did you give her your apologies?   
  
- Yes…So, can I talk with Sully?   
  
- Come upstairs, - she answered.   
  
**********  
  
  
- How are you feeling? - asked Loren, entering to the recovery room.   
  
- Just fine. Can't understand why Michaela still locks me here.   
  
- She's a doctor, Sully, - said Loren in a didactic tone - and she knows such things much better than you, so better obey her.   
  
He stopped for a long time, and then asked: Did you reconcile with your mother?   
  
Sully nodded. -Yep.   
  
- She's good woman.- Loren said, - she looks most like you.. He walked up and forth, looked at the window, then said again: She's good woman…   
  
- Are you going to talk with me about something? - asked Sully impatiently.   
  
- Yes…Sully, I need to talk with you…to ask you something…Your mother…she's very lonely there in England. .It's so hard, especially if you're not so young…I know it better then the others…He cleared his throat. - Well…I've asked Katherine to marry me, and she promised to think about…   
  
He stopped, looking at Sully helplessly and waiting for his answer. But Sully was so surprised that couldn't say anything for the first moment.   
  
- We're different, - Loren continued, - but I 'd be proud to have a son like you…   
  
- Loren, - Sully finally said, - if I'd have a step-father now, in my thirties, I'd be glad it's you.   
  
**********  
  
  
Few days passed.   
  
Loren stood beside the window looking at the street. Soon he noticed Mrs.Blackmore walking towards his store. She was in her travelling clothes, it means she's going to leave. So it means "no"…  
- Morning, Loren, - she stretched her hand in a silk glove.- I have something to say you…   
  
- "Loren Bray, you're an old fool", what's you are going to say, right?   
  
- No…absolutely not…- Mrs Blackmore smiled, - I was thinking all the night about your offer, and what I have to say - I'd be glad to help you in your store, but there are so many supplies…and afraid, I'm not a good counter…   
  
- That's nothing, I'll teach you. - Loren promised. He spoke in a serious tone, but with a wide smile on his face.   
  
- You can start in Thanksgiving Day, when I'll be back…But perhaps, it's not working day for your store?   
  
- I think so, - Loren answered, - You'll fry a turkey instead. Hope, you don't forget how to fry Thanksgiving turkey, there, in your England?   
  
- Afraid, I never was very good in cooking turkey. I tried, when Byron was a kid, but I think it was not very tasty…   
  
- So, we'll go visit Dr.Mike and Sully…though, Dr.Mike isn't a good cook also…well, we can go to Grace's cafe! Almost all the townsfolks will be there, but if Hank Lawson just would think about a flirt…   
  
- I'll don't give him any chance, - she promised.   
  
**********  
  
  
They were so pleased with their playful talk that even didn't notice Michaela and Sully who entered the store. They stood there for a long time, didn't want to bother Loren and Mrs Blackmore…   
  
- Seems, it means "yes" - whispered Sully into Michaela's ear.   
  
- I think so, - Michaela nodded.   
  
Loren finally looked at them: -Morning, Dr Mike, Sully! I have some news I want you to know! I've asked Katherine to be my wife, and she said "yes"   
  
- I didn't say yes! - she objected.   
  
Loren stopped short, but Mrs Blackmore smiled and added: - I'm just 'going' to say "yes".   
  
- Congratulations, Loren, Mrs. Blackmore…- Michaela uttered. She was so surprised, that couldn't say anything else.   
  
Sully looked at her attentively. -You're looking not so happy. Are you offended on him?   
  
-For what?   
  
-For Marjorie. But don't think he's betraying her memory now..   
  
- I'm certainly not! - Michaela answered, - I know he loved Marjorie! But this is some different…I'm very glad for Loren, his loneliness finally would be ended   
  
- So as my mother's, - Sully added, -They just need each other.   
  
- Congratulations, Ma, Loren, - said he aloud.   
  
- What congratulations? - they heard Brian's voice. - I come to tell the train is coming…   
  
- Well.. - Loren said proudly, - there is something special - I'm going to marry Katherine when she'll come back!   
  
Brian's eyes widened:   
  
- So.. you'll become my REAL Grandpa?   
  
-I think so.   
  
- That's great! - Brian hugged tightly Loren, then Mrs Blackmore.   
  
**********  
  
  
Soon they were standing at the platform and Mrs Blackmore was in the train…   
  
- I'll miss you all, - Mrs. Blackmore eyes were moist with tears, - but I'll be back very soon. I just need to sell my house and visit my daughter…   
  
The train began to move slowly.   
  
- Wait!- Brian suddenly shouted,- Mrs. Blackmore. Grandma Katherine… do you remember when Pa was born?!   
  
- Sure! - she shouted in answer, - sure, I know! December, 9! She waves goodbye, and the train moved away…   
  
- That's good, - Michaela looked at Sully, - the birthday party for you…   
  
- Michaela, there is no need.. - he began, but she cut him short..   
  
- Why not? Can I make the birthday party for my husband once for many years?! Just think what kind of gift do you want?   
  
Sully looked around, smiling widely: - I just have the best gift - my family is growing again!   
  
THE END  



End file.
